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Thread: Jokes April 2017

  1. Top Of Page | #1
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Jokes April 2017

    I'm going to do this every month. I am pleased with the participation and views. Thanks everyone. Your moral is important.

    So we're set up for April. Post away and thanks

    Old man Biker ought to throw some old fart stuff in here


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

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  3. Top Of Page | #2
    Old... But Still Here! AnOldBiker's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    I often wondered this ....

    Attached Images Attached Images


    Jim


    2006 ~ 2500HD, Big Horn Edition, 5.9, 4x4, Q/Cab, 48RE, L/B, 3.73, S&B CAI & Snout, ProFlo 5" S/S exhaust, Smarty Touch, Oil ByPass Kit, 60 gal main tank, 110 gallon in-bed tank, XX-Fuel Filter System, Coolant Bypass Kit, Mag-Hytec front & rear end covers and trans pan, 285 x 70 x 17

    "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children’s children what it was once like in the United States, where men 'were' free." ~ Ronald Regan

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  5. Top Of Page | #3
    hoe's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    I've just had a terrifyingly scary ride in one of those driverless cars.

    Well...actually it was an ordinary car with the wife behind the wheel...same thing really.

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk


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  7. Top Of Page | #4
    hoe's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk



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  9. Top Of Page | #5
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by AnOldBiker View Post
    I often wondered this ....
    Sounds like you and me logic


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  10. Likes AnOldBiker liked this post
  11. Top Of Page | #6
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school. They rediscover each other via Friends Reunited and arrange to meet for lunch.

    Jan arrives first wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Gris with three glasses. Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. They all hug and she too shares the wine.

    Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane and Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Portugal.

    Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University, studied to be a doctor and then became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy.

    Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Paul. They live in Essex where they grow their own vegetables and run a tropical bird park. Paul can stand five parrots side by side, on his erect *****.

    Several hours later, after the third bottle of Pinot, Jan breaks down and blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco and they live in a small house in Bromley with a caravan parked in the front drive.

    Sue, chastened by Jan's honesty, bursts into tears and admits that she and Clive are actually nursing care assistants in an old people's home in Peckham. They live in a Council house and take camping holidays in Kent.

    Mary finally cracks and admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg?


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  12. Likes AnOldBiker, ksmitchell, walla2k5 liked this post
  13. Top Of Page | #7
    Old & Grumpy! Polaraco's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    After his exam
    the doctor asked the elderly man: "You appear to be in
    good health. Do you have
    any medical concerns you would like to ask me
    about?"


    "In fact, I
    do," said the old man. "After I have sex with my
    wife, I am usually cold and
    chilly, and then, after I have sex with her the second time,
    I am usually hot
    and sweaty."


    Later, after
    examining the man's elderly wife, the doctor said:
    "Everything appears to be
    fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like
    to discuss with
    me?"


    She replied
    that she had no questions or concerns. The doctor then
    said to her: "Your
    husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually
    cold and chilly
    after having sex with you the first time, and then hot and
    sweaty after the
    second time. Do you know why?"


    "Oh that
    crazy old fart," she replied. "That's because
    the first time is usually in
    January and the second time is in
    August.


    2003- 3500 RWD Automatic.
    S & B intake, BD Intercooler, Pusher Air Horn, MM3 Double R Tuning, Turbo Timer, electric Flex-a-lite fans, FASS 95,
    50 HP tips, upgrade to 351 turbo, 3.42 gears, Twin air compressors, air bags, Remote dual oil filters, Hellwig sway bar, Front Winch. Home made Fuel Heater, BD Exhaust brake with Torque Lock. Tons of TLC

  14. Top Of Page | #8
    MRMAYHEM's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017




    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


    2012 Dodge 2500 6 inch suspension lift 4 inch body lift sitting on 41's DPF delete Straight pipe turbo back twin stacks road armour front and rear bumpers mini max tuner...tuned by DOUBLE R DIESEL

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  16. Top Of Page | #9
    hoe's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    A husband and wife were driving home in their car one Saturday evening when a traffic officer pulls them over.

    "Good evening sir" says the cop. "Good evening officer, what seems to be the problem?" says the husband with a friendly and cooperative smile.

    "Sir, I noticed one of your headlights are not burning, I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a ticket." "Oh officer" says the man, "this is honestly the first I know of it, last night both were still burning brilliantly, I check them regularly, but tonight I forgot."

    "Rubbish!" the wife chips in. "Officer, I've been telling him about it for a month now, and he still hasn't fixed the damn thing."

    The husband turns to his wife and under his breath he says to her: "What the f*ck woman?! Would you shut your mouth? What the hell are you doing?"

    "U-ummm" the officer interrupts. "I see your one wiper-blade is perished too sir, I'm afraid that's another ticket." "Oh officer, that's the first I know of it, honestly, I just replaced the things a week ago! Must have been a defective pair I bought." says the man, very humbly.

    "O c'mon! Officer, that thing's been like that for two months, longer than the headlight! Every time it rains, I nearly crash because I can't see through the windscreen. He just refuses to listen to me asking him to fix it." the wife interjects again.

    "What the f*ck!!!?" the husband grumbles to her under his breath. "Are you stupid? What the f*ck are you doing woman?!"

    The officer leans into the car and says "Ma'am, is your husband always this rude to you?" "Oh no" she answers. "Only when he's had too much to drink!"

    Sent from my LON-L29 using Tapatalk


  17. Top Of Page | #10
    HKBIGDADDYDIESELDAN's Avatar

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    Re: Jokes April 2017

    Quote Originally Posted by Polaraco View Post
    Jan, Sue and Mary haven't seen each other since leaving school. They rediscover each other via Friends Reunited and arrange to meet for lunch.

    Jan arrives first wearing a beige Versace dress. She orders a bottle of Pinot Gris with three glasses. Sue arrives shortly afterward, wearing a grey Chanel number. After the initial hugs and kisses she joins Jan in a glass of wine. Then Mary walks in, wearing a faded old tee-shirt, blue jeans and boots. They all hug and she too shares the wine.

    Jan explains that after leaving school and attending Oxford University she met and married Timothy, with whom she has a beautiful daughter. Timothy is a partner in one of London's leading law firms. They live in a 4000 sq ft apartment on Park Lane and Susanna, the daughter, attends drama school. They have a second home in Portugal.

    Sue relates that she graduated from Cambridge University, studied to be a doctor and then became a surgeon. Her husband, Clive, is a leading financial investment banker in the City. They live in the Surrey stockbroker belt and have a second home in Italy.

    Mary explains that after she left school at 17, she ran off with her boyfriend, Paul. They live in Essex where they grow their own vegetables and run a tropical bird park. Paul can stand five parrots side by side, on his erect *****.

    Several hours later, after the third bottle of Pinot, Jan breaks down and blurts out that her husband is really a cashier at Tesco and they live in a small house in Bromley with a caravan parked in the front drive.

    Sue, chastened by Jan's honesty, bursts into tears and admits that she and Clive are actually nursing care assistants in an old people's home in Peckham. They live in a Council house and take camping holidays in Kent.

    Mary finally cracks and admits that the fifth parrot has to stand on one leg?
    Ha Ha

    2012 Cummins Ram 6.7L MM3 tuner full 5" Flo Pro TBE Exhaust LWBCC 4x4 Mag Hytec Double Deep Transmission Pan , Mag Hytec Rear Diff Cover
    Airlift part # 57595 7500lbs airbags ,Nitto Ridge Grapplers 35/12.50/20 on XD 829 Big Hoss ll Satin Black Machined Dark Tint 20 x 9 with + 18 offset rims,MM3 Tuner With full Custom Tunes by Ray at DRD , Autometer A13117 Pillar Pod , Edge 98004 mount adapter , Mag Hytec front diff cover, SuperNova V4 LED Headlight Bulbs

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